Liquid Zoo

Liquid Zoo has open mic nights on Wednesdays and Sundays, and maybe another day, I don’t go to every open mic, ok?  I’m trying.  This is my accountability system for trying new places.  Get off my case, OK?  I recommend the Wednesday one, good host.  A dear friend of mine named Kelly McInerney calls this bar liquid poo, I’m not certain if that’s due to the diarrhea you get after drinking the complimentary shot they give you when you check in on facebook (what’s in that thing? do they still do that?) or because the open mic can sometimes be shitty.  As you walk into the bar, your first thought will probably be “fuck, I hope I don’t have to use the restroom here.”  You will.  There’s a one drink minimum which might lead to one or four more, and sometimes the mic goes really long and the sets are seven minutes so even if you’re tenth on the list you’re going to be there over an hour.  This restroom is one with a waiting room style.  It’s a single bathroom with a single door, but there is also a very small area for which the purpose is unclear, with a long countertop and mirror.  I get the idea that it might be a diaper changing station, because this is the kind of place where you would probably find women that bring their babies into a bar.  Then there is another door with the single restroom inside.  Both doors lock, I’m not sure why.  Most places with this style of restroom only the actual bathroom-part door locks.  Maybe it’s to protect the potential new mother and newborn.  Or possibly in case there is some sort of crazy person, he or she would have to break down two doors to get to the woman inside.  This is a place where fights go down and prostitutes hang out and such.  It’s wild.  Anyway I always lock both doors.  I usually throw my purse on the counter, sorry baby’s butt. I don’t sit on the seat here, though it’s usually pretty clean.  The most disgusting part about this place is the… hand towel thing?  I don’t know what you call this thing.  It looks like a paper towel machine but contains a fabric of a thicker variety, which seemingly gets recycled for reuse by other bar patrons.  The first time I used this restroom I grabbed it thinking it was a paper towel.  There are few regrets I have in my life; this is one.  Once you pull down on the towel you notice that the end of the towel feeds back into the machine and this is not really the kind of place where you want to be sharing germs with the other patrons.  After I did it that one time I spent the rest of the night trying to pretend in my mind that there is some way they keep it sanitary or that maybe the machine doesn’t work that way.  It does.  Don’t touch it.  There are no alternatives for hand drying.  Sorry ‘bout it.  Use the inside of your jeans pockets.  You will leave the restroom feeling worse than when you walked in. Pee before you get there.  Seriously.


1/5 Smiley Poos

1/5 Smiley Poos

Silverlake Lounge

The Silverlake Lounge boasts infamous open mics Friday Evening, Sunday Afternoon, & now Thursday Late-Night, all with great hosts.  I’m partial to the Thursday night hosts, they are my friends. All the hosts are great though.  Silverlake has strong drinks, dance parties, and the ever-pourin' Mario Soto.  I think the Silversun Pickups used to do the music open mics there. Anyway, the restroom game could be stronger.  The women’s room, unlike the mens, has a lock on the door, a plus.  Also, there is a full-length mirror just outside the restroom. The line can get exceptionally long as this is a single door, single restroom.  Great for privacy.  Which could be a reason the line can get long.  Sometimes women vomit in there and it takes a WHILE if you’re waiting.  In these scenarios, a blogger, or an average customer may have to use the men’s room.  Typically if this happens you will need to have a friend nearby standing guard because, as previously mentioned, the men’s room has no lock on the door.  Once you go to find a friend and come back, rest assured that the women’s room will still be occupied (50/50 chance on whether you’ll hear retching or snorting from outside the door), and rest assured that when you open that men’s room door, even if you were certain it was empty before, you will accidentally see a man peeing.  Oops.  It happens to all of us.  Kindly wait for him to come out and then take your turn.  You are likely to hear your friend outside the restroom trying to explain to a gentleman that there is a lady in there.  Sometimes the gentlemen do not appreciate a woman using “their” restroom, and sometimes they are kind about it.  After you wash your hands, exit, and mutter your “sorry” to the man waiting as women are conditioned to do, you’ll notice that the women’s room is still occupied.  If you do get the chance to use the ladies room, possibly the next time you need the facilities (let’s face it you’ve had four or five beers at this point and [insert-horrible-open-micers-name-here] just went up), you may be pleasantly surprised. You see, one thing that this blogger truly desires in a restroom is a red overhead light, to make you completely question the color of the lipstick or shirt you put on previous to heading into the mic.  The smell can, at times, be not so great, but Mario is pretty good about keeping the restroom clean and stocked with toilet paper, soap and paper towels.  Once or twice the toilet has clogged, and that’s a bummer, but he gets to fixing it pretty quick.  The water in the sink is low-flow, and I’m always afraid that the toilet won’t flush.  But it does.  Overall it’s a decent open mic restroom.  I’ve sat down on the seat here, but only when I couldn’t stand up anymore, ya know?


3/5 Smiley Poos

3/5 Smiley Poos