The Velv- Austin TX

After our sets at Sure Thing, old Luhrsman and I decided, "what the hell? Who cares if we have to be at the airport in 6 hours? Let's go see some more live comedy." We were lucky enough to catch two of Austin's finest, Yusef Roach and Carina Magyar at The Velv on sixth street. The host was also very funny but I forgot your name, sorry!! The kind bartender (maybe also the club manager, I'm not sure), Mario (not the same Mario as silverlake Lounge, but still a cool guy) kindly refilled our vodka sodas throughout the show while luhrsman and I laughed and laughed in the back like actual customers. "What a lovely evening," I thought to myself while finishing off my sixth vodka drink of the evening. We spoke with Yusef and Carina briefly and said our goodbyes while deciding if we should go to mugshots or try to make our flight in the morning. SPOILER ALERT: we did both. I thought to myself, "maybe I should use the bathroom." The bathroom is behind the stage in one of those awkward ways, so I had tried not to use it. HUGE MISTAKE. little did I know I was about to embark on the biggest journey of my life. Little did I know I was about to find the BEST RESTROOM IVE REVIEWED SO FAR. The restroom of the Velv is kind on the eyes. It has a vibe. It has pineapple wallpaper and a sparkly lamp.


IT HAS FREE TAMPONS. Now. I know this is not the first free tampon bathroom we have come across. It is however the first I've seen with MULTIPLE SIZE TAMPONS, a variety pack, if you will. It is also the first I've seen where I saw three women (including myself) come in and out and not just take all of them. I believe this is due to the vibe. The vibe is very much, "hey, we have more tampons if you need them, no need to steal them all."


this bathroom meant so much to me that I took a photo of it while other women were in there waiting. Yeah. I looked like a total freak. I just knew that no one would believe it until they saw it. Yes, I was very drunk and maybe had consumed a bite of a special vegan power bar as well. However, this bathroom is THAT important to me. this bathroom, much like Hogwarts' room of requirement, came to me at a time I needed it the most. It came to me at a time where I was thinking "well, I've reviewed most of the comedy bathrooms in LA, maybe bathrooms aren't really my game anymore." The bathroom at the Velv gave me the courage to keep reviewing bathrooms. It gave me back my love of free tamps. I would be so bold as to say, without this bathroom, I may not have made my flight back to LA. I owe this bathroom so much. 


I would like to note that this is my very first time reviewing a bathroom as a customer and not a performer, so maybe that had something to do with it but, I just highly doubt that. The Velv is a magical room and to have a comedy club on sixth street is a huge undertaking. To keep the tampons stocked in the restroom of said club, even HUGER!  I really appreciate the Velv for making a stand for women's rights to free tampons. We salute you. I hope to one day be booked at the Velv, so I can re-release this review from the perspective of a performer. 


the highest honor. 5 poop emojis.